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Coffee Break Chuckles
01-24-2012, 08:43 AM
Post: #91
RE: Coffee Break Chuckles
Hello world!

The plane leaves Heathrow Airport under the control of a Jewish captain; his co-pilot is Chinese.
It's the first time they've flown together and an awkward silence between the two seems to indicate a mutual dislike.

Once they reach cruising altitude, the Jewish captain activates the auto-pilot, leans back in his seat, and mutters, 'I don't like Chinese..'

'No rike Chinese?' asks the co-pilot, 'why not?'

'You people bombed Pearl Harbor , that's why!'

'No, no', the co-pilot protests, 'Chinese not bomb Peahl Hahbah! That Japanese, not Chinese.'

'Japanese, Chinese, Vietnamese....doesn't matter, you're all alike!'

There's a few minutes of silence.

'I no rike Jews!' the co-pilot suddenly announces.

'Oh yeah, why not?' asks the captain.

'Jews sink Titanic!' says the co-pilot.

'What? You're insane! Jews didn't sink the Titanic!' exclaims the captain, 'It was an iceberg!'

Iceberg, Goldberg, Greenberg, Rosenberg , ..no mattah...all same Sad

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01-26-2012, 08:07 AM
Post: #92
RE: Coffee Break Chuckles
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Dear maths teacher. I am not a therapist. So solve your own problems.Big Grin

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01-27-2012, 02:24 PM
Post: #93
RE: Coffee Break Chuckles
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Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%...
It's called a Wedding Cake. Dodgy

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02-04-2012, 11:15 AM
Post: #94
RE: Coffee Break Chuckles
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How do you know when its time to tune your bagpipesBig Grin

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02-04-2012, 11:16 AM
Post: #95
RE: Coffee Break Chuckles
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God gave me a penis and a brain but not enough blood to use both at the same time. Robin Williams

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02-06-2012, 07:42 AM
Post: #96
RE: Coffee Break Chuckles
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Woke up this morning with a tap on the door. Bizarre behaviour from the behaviour!Huh

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02-06-2012, 09:05 PM
Post: #97
RE: Coffee Break Chuckles
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I haven't spoken to my wife in over a month. We haven't had a row. I'm just afraid to interrupt her.Confused

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02-07-2012, 04:30 PM
Post: #98
RE: Coffee Break Chuckles
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Feherty is a Golf Channel announcer who finds very unique, colorful and uninhibited ways of explaining or describing whatever is on his mind...... Probably always on time delay these days.

Feherty Quotes

“Fortunately, he (Rory) is 22 years old so his right wrist should be the strongest muscle in his body.”

“That ball is so far left, Lassie couldn’t find it if it was wrapped in bacon.”

“I am sorry Nick Faldo couldn’t be here this week. He is attending the birth of his next wife.”

“They don’t do comedy at the Masters. The Masters, for me, is like holding onto a really big collection of gas for a week. It’s like having my buttocks surgically clenched at Augusta General Hospital on Wednesday, and surgically unclenched on Monday on the way to Hilton Head.”

Jim Furyk’s swing - “It looks like an octopus falling out of a tree.”

“He’s (Luke Donald) a bloody walking ATM. I slid my AmEx between the cheeks of his ass and out popped $500.”

Describing VJ's prodigious practice regime - "VJ hits more balls than Elton John's chin."

"That's a great shot with that swing."

"It's OK - the bunker stopped it."

At Augusta 2011 - "It's just a glorious day. The only way to ruin a day like this would be to play golf on it."

"That was a great shot - if they'd put the pin there today."

"Everything moves except his bowels."

"Watching Phil Mickelson play golf is like watching a drunk chasing a balloon near the edge of a cliff."

"That green appears smaller than a Pygmie's nipple".

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02-08-2012, 05:48 PM
Post: #99
RE: Coffee Break Chuckles
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Customer service in the bank is defintely getting worse. Asked the cashier to check my balance and she leaned over and pushed me in the chest.Huh

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02-09-2012, 08:50 AM
Post: #100
RE: Coffee Break Chuckles
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I wish I were a glow worm
A glow worm's never glum
How can you be grumpy
When the sun shines out your bum Big Grin

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