Coffee Break Chuckles

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I went to a fight the other night and a hockey game broke out.

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"I saw the slow-moving, sad-faced old gentleman as he bounced off the hood of my car."

"I had been driving for 40 years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident."

Couple of insurance claim reports!

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"I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law, and headed over the embankment."
Insurance claim again!

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I went to a restaurant with a sign that said they served breakfast at any time. So I ordered French toast during the Renaissance

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◦Lawyer: "Now sir, I'm sure you are an intelligent and honest man--"
◦Witness: "Thank you. If I weren't under oath, I'd return the compliment."

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◦Lawyer: "Can you tell us what was stolen from your house?"
◦Witness: "There was a rifle that belonged to my father that was stolen from the hall closet."
◦Lawyer: "Can you identify the rifle?"
◦Witness: "Yes. There was something written on the side of it."
◦Lawyer: "And what did the writing say?"
◦Witness: "'Winchester'

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You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship together and there was only one life jacket... I'd miss you heaps and think of you often.

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◦Lawyer: "Mrs. Jones, is your appearance this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?"
◦Witness: "No. This is how I dress when I go to work."

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Worrying works! 90% of the things I worry about never happen.

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Stuffed deer heads on walls are bad enough, but it’s so sad when you see them wearing dark glasses, with streamers around their necks and a hat on their antlers and you realise they were enjoying themselves at a party when they were shot